Forgiveness

First off...

Happy Father's Day to my AMAZING Father.

I have always been daddy's girl.

Him and I can do anything together

And talk about anything together

We have always had an amazing relationship

After Shea's father passed away suddenly from a car accident 3 years ago

I have looked at family a new way

You don't know what is going to happen

One day your life is rainbows and cupcakes

Next it's chaos and tears

that day is a day I will always remember

How I felt helpless and didn't know how to comfort Shea

I just knew I needed to be there for him

And I always have been

This past Sunday we laid my Grandfather to rest

His wishes were to have his ashes spread under the Brooklyn Bridge

For fear of staying over in the police department

(you don't go around dumping ashes in New York after 9/11)

We decided the next best place was a harbor

Near where his first house with my grandmother was

As my family gathered around my uncle holding the container of ashes

I bowed my head

The ashes were released and a weight was lifted off

I have not seen my grandfather since I was 13

He became secluded from the family and no one saw him

It was heartbreaking, but we had my grandmother who was our shining light

She is an AMAZING person

The most amazing grandmother you could have

My grandfather married one hell of a woman

Without him my mother would not be here

Without him my aunt and 3 uncles would not be here

Without him my 12 cousins and 4 siblings would not be here

I held anger in my heart for him not being around

I held anger when I learned of his death 3 weeks ago

I didn't cry I was numb

I was hurt

But, I can not blame him nor hold anymore anger to him

He wanted to be around he just couldn't

He has taught me a great lesson

That family is number one

That you shouldn't hold grudges against people

Lighten your heart a little and forgive those who have wronged you

I don't want to have a heavy heart anymore

That's why I am forgiving him

I am forgiving him for missing the parties, the birthdays, the good times, the bad

I am saying "thank you" to him for helping me see how important my family is to me

I am saying "thank you" to him for helping me see that there is no shame in saying "i need help"

I hope he can rest in peace and find his way back to heaven

I hope he can rest easy knowing our family forgave him

I hope he can remind me everyday to not take life for granted

I hope I will see him again one day

Rest in Peace Opa <3